Lesbianing with AE! You’ve fallen for a pal, but does she really like women? – AfterEllen



Hey Lindsey,

Therefore I’ve been heading insane with racking your brains on if my any buddy likes myself. Very here is a number of the points that have actually happened….So whenever we very first turned into pals she made a build a keep and mentioned it actually was all of our child and then she desired to fake time and that I swear she had previously been all flirty nevertheless when we informed her that we liked her she was actually all like I really like you as well and a friend and I also’m perplexed because I was thinking I became appropriate and I also was only wanting to know wouldn’t you would imagine the exact same thing if someone did that to you?


Hey Becca,

I’ve found it best to think people once they let me know the way they feel—best because option is largely operating me crazy second guessing the reason why their unique words and activities cannot fall into line, what changed, and whether it was some thing I did. That type of insane making never ever will get myself anyplace. But for a long time i acquired swept up on it, thus I undoubtedly understand where your face are at.

Your friend actually into you. She likes you as a buddy. You’re having difficulty thinking her caused by her flirtatious behavior.

Listed here is the one thing, though. Your own pal could have desired to “fake big date” you in an effort to find out if she would want to in fact date you—and decided that she would not would you like to date you for so many good factors, many of them becoming:

• she’s attracted to you physically not emotionally or vice versa

• she’s bicurious yet not willing to date a lady

• she’s emotions for an ex and is alson’t prepared to be with any individual right now

• She wants interest from women—and meeting other gay ladies easily target different ladies irrespective of their own sex


We have now written about flirty friendships prior to, and
you can read about that right here
if this can help you find closure from the whole circumstance.

You didn’t ask myself exacltly what the friend had been thinking, however. You asked the thing I could have made from her behavior and response is: this will depend.

You’ll find definitely instances i might have presumed she ended up being into myself, because performed. Additionally instances I would have experienced through the woman behavior to know that she wanted my personal love and interest, but would never reciprocate romantically.

You will find seriously instances I would personally have thought she was actually into me, just like you performed. Additionally times i’d have experienced through her behavior to appreciate that she wanted my personal affection and attention, but could not reciprocate romantically.

Really does your own friend recognize as a lesbian, or provides she ever before dated or slept with a female? If she has already been right identified until she stated she wanted to fake go out you and have a bear child, however’d brush off her conduct as common flirty/bicurious direct woman. I may have flirted and been caring together with her when it made me feel great to do that, but not expected it change into any such thing real.

Indeed, for many people, feminine sex is fluid plus some of those straight-identified females do go on to embrace their bi or lesbian area, at some point, sometimes using women they flirt with. It may happen—but its uncommon, and it is generally a waste of mental electricity to pursue those women.

Certainly, for a few people, female sex is liquid many of these straight-identified women perform carry on to embrace their own bi or lesbian area, eventually, often aided by the ladies they flirt with. It may happen—but it really is uncommon, and it’s generally a waste of emotional fuel to pursue those girls.

Basically realized she liked ladies and she acted that way, I would personally have thought I got an opportunity along with her and might have asked this lady out. However, she made by herself obvious. She wants a friendship only. Do the woman (and also you) the favor of believing this lady, in order to find a person who is emotionally readily available and is also in fact a lesbian or bisexual.

If you would like pull-back from friendship for a little while, because you’ve considered there was potential therefore’ve already been rebuffed, which is okay. Require some room using this friend and soon youare able observe the lady platonically again. Use that extra time to follow some other women and also make it clear to your girl friend that you’re touring for dateable women to erase any weirdness either of you might-be feeling.

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Date: June 5, 2024